Sunday, January 10, 2010

Entry #93

A Patient Tale
by Kartik Desikan

“So you see a bird, is that right?”

Nodding, I recline even further on the couch, which is a little too snug for my comfort, I must admit, as Dr. Philip furiously scribbles with every question.

Mom doesn’t believe me. Kids at school snicker and make up imaginary names. They forget I christened it as Sheldon.

He thrusts his pen at me. “And somehow this bird is responsible for everything chaotic at home?”

The shattered Mongolian vase. Pages shredded from Dad’s diary. Peanuts strewn on the kitchen floor and Mom’s fractured leg.

“I don’t expect you to believe me doctor, but that is what it is. And Sheldon, um, the bird does it behind Mom’s back every time”

With an impatient yawn the doctor says, “Tell you what kid, it’s all in your head. You’re not the first 10 year old who’s been seeing things”

As he rambles on about how I’ve possibly lost my mind, I think about how seeing a ghostly and ghastly bird was so not what I wanted for Christmas. The latest Ben10 action figure was more like it. A new baseball glove wouldn’t hurt either.

Just then I hear Sheldon go rat-a-tat at the window, and swoop in. A minute later, I reflect at the general disarray in the room.

He coughs. “The handiwork of Sheldon, I presume”

“Of course!” I say.

“Alright, I saw him too,” and Dr. Philip runs out of the room screaming hysterically.


Preeti said...

That was eerie. And unexpected. And the doctor is BAD. He was so mean to the boy. He deserved it.

very well written. loved the kid. :-)

Lena said...

That was nice. Though somehow I saw it coming. Good job.

Bernita said...

Makes me say Heh!

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

It can be frustrating when no one believes you especially when you are telling the truth. Phantom birds...really cool.

JaneyV said...

Sheldon is a little mischief-maker but bless him for picking the right witness to wreak havoc in front of.

This made me smile Kartik.

Aimee Laine said...

Oh not to be believed. :) Doc got what he deserved!

Craig said...

I liked the boy's cool under pressure.

Aniket said...

Hobbes finally showed up for Calvin, eh? :D

I've already told you how good this is bro. Welcome to the CoN family. :)

Kartik said...

This was my first entry in these CoNtests and I really really appreciate the effort you took to read and comment.
Preeti: I'm glad you liked the atmosphere and characters :) Thanks for the very kind words!
Lena: It's so cool you spotted it early! Thanks!
Bernita: 'Heh' says a lot, much thanks and keep smiling! :)
Ayodele: I share the sentiment, glad you liked it.
Jamey: Aww, you took a liking to Sheldon? It feels so liberating to make someone smile! Thank you!
Aimee: A mighty fright is what he surely got :)
Craig: I like what you liked too! :) Thanks!
Aniket Muchos gracias amigo! Glad to be a CoNtestant and thanks for your comments on the piece while crafting it! :D

Sarah Laurenson said...

I love how adults assume they know everything and yet isn't that what we accuse kids of all the time. Sheldon the home wrecker and his sidekick need their own novel. :-)

wrath999 said...

An highly enjoyable story

pjd said...

I was thinking that Sheldon is a supernatural manifestation of the boy's anger and frustration. Kind of like that Twilight Zone episode where the little boy keeps sending people into the cornfield.

Anshul Negi said...

I think we have a budding story teller in the making!!!

Scribblers Inc said...

I dont know why this reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes...but it does! And thats a cool thing! :D

Loved that dude run out of the room!

Mithun Mukherjee.

austere said...

The fracture tripped me short...but just wonderful otherwise.

Loved the ending, btw.

kiran said...

the doctor totally deserves it X-(.. Nice one dude :)

laughingwolf said...

well done, kartik!

Laurel said...

I love that the doctor sees Sheldon but I have to wonder what is going on at home? Sheldon seems to be coming to the boy's defense here. Does he need defending at home?

Cool tale!

Tara said...

Oooh, I really like this one :) The doctor had it coming.

Four Dinners said...

hahahahahaha!!!! More humour!!!! That's what this competition needed!!!!

That is quite excellent!!!!!

Kartik said...

Sarah: Yeah sometimes kids know better! "Sheldon's Shenanigans" sounds good, you think? :)

wrath999: and by the by, wrath666 would sound more ominous :)

pjd: I really like your take on the story. I haven't seen that episode though, but Twilight Zone is full of surprises!

Anshul: Thanks for the flattering comments, buddy!

Mithun: I guess his parents thought the same, thinking the bird was a figment of his imagination :)

austere: Life's a trippy thing, despite the stumbling. I'm glad you liked it!

kiran: Thanks Xiran! :)

laughingwolf: Thanks and neat id!!

Laurel: The kid needs some comforting for sure. I would think even the "toys" he gets are but a temporary diversion from the trouble with parents who think they know the best!

Tara: Glad you liked it Tara! :) Do you have a public blog I can see?

Four Dinners: I share the sentiment too buddy, there is maybe a little too much darkness around :) And thanks for the generous comments!

Deb Smythe said...

Nice job with the pacing. Loved the ending.

CJT said...

A great snipit of an unexpected tale. What a great read. Definately different...

james r. tomlinson said...

I've read two similiar scenarios: Yours, where the Dr. flees, and another one where the patient is forever traumatize over being shat on. It certainly is nice to see how nature works in mysterious ways. I liked your ending.

Chris Eldin said...

As a children's book writer, I particularly appreciated this one! I love the humor in this one, but it's more than that. I have a feeling there's more to this story...

desiderata said...

kartikd: humour is a healer,not the doc; i like it, aMore please!:)

Harish said...

Aahaha... cool read! :D Enjoyed it!

catvibe said...

Definitely an ID monster. Fun to read, the doc had it coming. Although having an ID monster isn't going to be good for the kid in the long run now is it?

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the Golden Globes or those wretched Old Navy dummies.

raine said...

I'm late getting to so many stories, not sure I'll get to them all...but wanted you to know how much I enjoyed this. Big smile, lol. Thanks for sharing. :)

SzélsőFa said...

I liked that the explanation is left for the reader: was it the boy himself, or was it really a bird?
I reads funny, although I'm sure I'd have issues with a boy like this if he was my own kid.
he is not at all innocent and he knows that, too. bad, bad boy, he is.

Kartik said...

The contest is long over and I've been away from technology since a couple of days, but thanks for your lovely comments! :)

Deb Smythe, CJT, james r.tomlinson:
Glad you liked it!

Chris Eldin:
Really appreciate your kind words, considering that I totally loved your story!!! I'm not sure if I want to be a children's writer actually :)

desiderata,Harish: Thanks!!

catvibe: Having an Id monster would temporarily give the kid pleasure and comfort, and keep him in a 'happy place', but yeah the long term benefits of that could be counterproductive

Aerin: I'm definitely awaiting your comments! :)

raine: Better late than never! Smile! :)

SzelsoFa: I agree, whether the kid mature enough to know what to do is certainly up for debate. But some sort of a mentor wouldn't hurt for sure.