Sunday, July 13, 2008

Entry #24

Running Wind…Whispering Shadows
by Kim Watters


Riding along with the running wind all around me, and the shadows of dusk silently whispering their thoughts…leave no witnesses, there’s a side road coming up on your left…take it, take it…yessss!

I rode into town on my bike a month ago, thinking that a fresh start would be good. A new job, a new home, a different change of pace…after all, it was just myself.

I noticed this annoying little man following me around. I’d go shopping and he’d be there, I’d go to the Laundromat and there he was behind me. The last straw was when I went to the diner for lunch and he came and sat down at my table without asking…and just stared at me. Well I just stared back at him for one full minute, and started to eat. Oh he didn’t like that, so he leans in close and whispers, “I know what you did”. He looked furtively around and whispered that he had “seen” me do it and that he had followed me from where I had buried the body and that he’d go to the cops if I didn’t do exactly as he said…wrong thing to say. He told me to meet him tonight behind the motel for payment instructions, and maybe…

Riding along with the running wind all around me, and the shadows of dusk silently whispering their thoughts…leave no witnesses, there’s a side road coming up on your left…take it, take it…yessss!

20 comments:

wrath999 said...

Cool and very well done.

'that he’d go to the cops if I didn’t do exactly as he said…wrong thing to say.' great line here, gives us a taste on where this is going.

alex

J.C. Montgomery said...

Says just enough in such a short time. Good work.

Sarah Hina said...

I have a feeling the little man won't be annoying any longer. Very chilling.

Nice bookending with the first and final paragraphs, too. They were wild and a little bit frantic--very fitting for the character's state of mind.

Good job!

Sheri said...

Yes, I was going to say what Sarah said, I like how you wrapped the story with the opening and ending paragraphs. Nice job.

Charles Gramlich said...

Yes, very nice.

The Grocer said...

I agree with JC, just enough to make it a great tale and leave you wondering.

Anonymous said...

ummm...devious characters both.
I, too, liked the way you started and ended with the same paragraph - very effective.

klgilbert said...

wanted to leave my name for last comment ---KLG

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

"Leave no witnesses" - am sure that's just what he/she did! :)

Very well narrated!

BernardL said...

Not a good idea to poke the hornet's nest. :)

Lena said...

a good narration and i loved the repitition of the first para in the end.. :)

A really cool piece of writing!

Beth said...

Good narration. Nice wrap-up too!

Anonymous said...

Like my sister, I would also like to thank all those who comment on my story. I do read the others and think to myself, compared to them, I'm an amateur.

JaneyV said...

Kim - I really like the way you handled this. the structure was perfectly weighted and the narrative had just the right amount of menace in it.

Very clever and readable piece.

September said...

Great writing. Very clever indeed.

At first I thought the man was his conscious but soon realized differently.

Like others who commented, repeating that first graph worked so nicely.

Great writing. Very clever indeed.

Scott said...

There is a certain poetry to the way this is structured. Agree with the others: clever.

angel said...

i love the repeated beginning and ending! fantabulous read!

laughingwolf said...

that's usually the trouble with 'littles', never content to be....

jason evans said...

Nice tie together. Something tells me this side road is not a happy place for that guy. Good pacing.

Aine said...

Cool! A female serial killer! Little annoying man got what he deserved.

Thanks for sharing this.
:)