Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #86

A Promise Kept
By RiverSoul


I rushed to the ICU ward of the Hospital as fast as my legs could carry me. It was almost daybreak. Twenty minutes ago, I had received the doctor’s call, confirming that the time had now come. That which I had been dreading; that which I had hoped would never happen; had now come to pass.

Like the dog afraid of his own shadow, I ran towards her.

The ward came to view. Like a pale ghost, I slowed down to a standstill. The door was ajar. She was looking right at me.

She seemed to be looking right through me, as though she knew of every thought and emotion tormenting my mind. She had that smile on her face; that carefree smile that even months of chemotherapy had failed to wipe out. Her smile seemed to be telling me something.

But I just couldn’t place it.

The doctor came out just then. With an apologetic voice, he said “I’m so sorry, son. She succumbed just a few minutes ago. A brave fighter. God rest her soul.”

He walked away.

Terror tore at me and my insides seemed to shrivel up.

“That means . . . . . her eyes . . . . . Oh God!”

She knew I’d come. She kept waiting for me till the very end. Tears leaked out of my eyes. But I held strong. I kept her promise. I never cried.

And I realized that she knew it.

Her smile told me that.

34 comments:

Lena said...

sweet touching story, Sid.
Carry on with good work :)

RiverSoul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RiverSoul said...

Thanks Lena
:)
:)

Ello said...

I'm teary. Lovely job.

The Preacherman said...

that sounded very personal. Made me well up a bit. So much emotion in 250 words. Great writing.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Very touching.Good one :)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, for reading Ello
:)
Glad you liked it.
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you so much, preacherman, for reading my story.
:)
Glad you liked it.
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, sameera..
:)
Glad you liked it
:)

kunal said...

Its really a touching story..

strugglingwriter said...

Very emotional. Great descriptions too. I wouldn't want to be in this situation, though.

Nice work.

Paul (entry #26)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you Kunal
:)
Glad you liked it
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, for reading paul.
:)
Glad you liked it.
Yes. No one would like to be in such a situation.
But tragically, it does happen
:(

Tina said...

Beautiful., yet very sad. Great job. :)

Sarah Hina said...

Nothing feels more tragic or poignant than the near miss. And yet you ended on her smile. I really liked that.

I especially appreciated the pacing and descriptions as he rushed toward the ward. Great job, RiverSoul! :)

September said...

Ohhhh....this one got to me.
At first I thought he made it -
good story. And I didn't realize she was "gone" until the very ending.
Nice job.

RiverSoul said...

At Tina,
Thank you so much for reading and liking it.
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, Sarah
:)
Glad you liked the way i've spun my story.
:)
I'm glad you took the time to read it.
Thank you,
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, September
:)
I'm glad you like my story.
:)
Thank you for reading
:)

Jimmie Vee said...

I thought for a moment that this might have a happy ending - but that wouldn't feel "real". A bleak theme, but there was some light shining through regardless. I actually enjoyed this.

RiverSoul said...

Thank you for reading my story, Jimmie.
:)
The fact that you liked it, has made it worth writing.
The theme was actually about the ascension of a suffering soul from this world to the painless next one.
I hope this info helps the readers to relate my story to liberation of a suffering soul.
Thank you, jimmie

Catvibe said...

Riversoul, this was beautiful and a tormented ending. Great writing.

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, catvibe
:)
Glad you like it.
:)

sawan said...

Sid, i knew u wudn disappoint any of the readers! as expected, this turned out to be a beautiful story! luvd it to the core. good work!

RiverSoul said...

Thank you Anil,
:)
Glad you feel that way,
And thanks for reading my story..
:)

Aniket Thakkar said...

I lost a junior in my hostel... He was only 20 when he passed away in a road accident... We couldn't reach to see him in time at the hospital! Life can be cruel... and you showed that in a very effective way! Great work!

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, Aniket, for reading

I'm sad to hear of your junior. But yes, such things do happen.
I only pray that it never happens to anyone else, but i guess some prayers are never answered.
Thank you, Aniket
:)

Amrita Bhatia said...

OMG!! I almost cried , n broke the promise :) Nicely written

Sad but nice...

Margaret said...

Reading this really got to me as I went through the very same experience very recently.
Written with a lot of heart & feelings. Very touching...

bluesugarpoet said...

you've beautifully captured in writing a death that ends with both peace and dignity. touching story!

jana

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, Amrita, for reading my story
I'm glad you liked it. . .
:)

RiverSoul said...

At Margaret,
I'm sorry for your loss, but its the sad truth of the real world.
I thank you for reviewing my story.
Much obliged.
:)

RiverSoul said...

Thank you, jana, for your wonderful review. You really have grasped the true essence of my story.
Thank you.
:)

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!