Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #156

The Sweetest Bouquet
by John Donald Carlucci


I'm not a greedy bastard, I only kill once a year.

The Arabs prepared a medicine they called a Mellified Man. Old men would be fed nothing but honey. No water or food; just honey.

After a month, these men would excrete only honey. Death came quickly for these lucky few and their bodies were entombed in dated stone coffins filled with even more honey. After a hundred years, these were opened and the liquid consumed.

After I heard this I thought, why not use this wonderful confection to brew a very special stock of mead? A mead from the best local honey and clearest spring water.

Since mead is considered a wine, I sometimes add a bit of cranberry for a blush.

Oh yes, my mellified man is usually a homeless person I find...someone who will never be missed. On rare occasions, I've chosen a friend or acquittance for this special honor.

After the month of preparation, I force the weakened ingredient into a honey-filled cask. I seal it with the date, and allow the process of liquefaction to complete. One year from the date of sealing, the cask is tapped and the liquid is processed by myself to produce our unique mead.

The rest is discarded into our fine compost heaps here at my vineyard. Waste not want not.

My very special clientele pay handsomely for this extremely limited black label edition. This year, the demand has been so great that I'm considering doubling our output.

35 comments:

laughingwolf said...

remind me to always check my mead sources!

Mona said...

Wow! Man Juice! It may become popular with ladies hehehe :D

John Donald Carlucci said...

Oh my Gawd, you just made my story so much worse. I have to go shiver now at the thought of "Man Juice".

JDC

Laurel said...

That is hard core. Unnnph.

The matter of fact 1st person POV really adds to the creep factor. Good choice on that. Nicely done!

Katie Schwartz said...

That is some seriously butch juice. I love it, lewch. You have my vote, to be sure.

MontiLee Stormer said...

Nicely done, sire. You have my vote.

jin said...

Fabulous luv!
You've my vote as well.

Alicia Morgan said...

zounds! that's a tale.

quin browne said...

what a treat... well, for some of the participants.

Anonymous said...

ewwwwww... and ewwww... reminds me of the spittoon...yuck. Really where does your mind go... can't believe we grew up in the same house...now I can't sleep tonight... ewwww. But I guess you have my vote.

JR's Thumbprints said...

It's a flash & a recipe all rolled into one. You definitely score some points for originaility.

John Donald Carlucci said...

Consider it like home brewing your own beer.

JDC

Bubs said...

OK, I like mead, and I've brewed my own beer...and I love honey, too! But now, all I can think of is sweet sweet putrefaction, and I'm a little queasy.

Thank you, sir. Well done!

Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

Sinister, creepy, psychotic, and so "normal" and "business-like" in tone. I'm a fan. But keep that mead away from me, please!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Dark and sinister and extremely well done!

Deb S said...

Nice writing! Way to crank up the creep factor.

Katherine Napier said...

I have to mention the homeless man being referred to as the weakened ingredient...love it.

Cormac Brown said...

Gothic done up the right way and not the pretenious Emo nonsense that it has become. Shelly and Stoker would've been proud.

rebecca said...

Oh, this is really sick....but good!

granitatogo said...

I really hope this is fiction. I can no longer enjoy honey in the same way.
Nice touch the composting. I like environmentally conscious killers, at least that aspect of their character!
You've got my vote!

Catvibe said...

Darkly sweet in a twisted and gross kind of way.

As the Mind Meanders said...

You have an impressive and twisted mind... I am glad I read this... really cool mate...

Precie said...

Crossing mead off my shopping list...possibly forever. And now off to Google Mellified Man. Wonderfully original!

Aerin said...

I'm having a visercal reaction to this story. I suppose that's a sign of good writing? But...ewwwwwwwww....

September said...

ewww...lol
definitely an original take
double man juice
double licious

pjd said...

Working in San Francisco, I encounter quite a few homeless people. Usually, you can smell them at least a block away. Not always, but usually. I am trying to imagine that odor involved in a recipe for anything to be consumed, and I think I have to leave now.

Oh man you wrote a creepy story. This is exactly the kind of thing people would pay a pretty penny for.

Paul Brazill said...

Na zdrowia!

BernardL said...

I'll take the Boone's Farm Apple instead please. :)

Tessa said...

Yowza! Wonderfully well paced and so original. A creepy top contender this one!

Aniket said...

Oooooohh! I lovvvhhhed this one.

It registered awesome score on my creepometer. :D

I love creepy gory stuff.

This hops in my list for the story. (I just hope I haven't said this to more than 5 people already :P)

Chris Eldin said...

LOL @ man juice! ewwww!!!

This was so quirky, I couldn't tear my eyes away. Nicely written!!!

JaneyV said...

I knew if I waited long enough i would find an excellent reason for hating honey - aside from the taste that is.

This had horror, a psycho, callousness, murder - it's no wonder it's been so popular. Nice one.

jason evans said...

Very diabolical. I could see it happening, for some strange reason. People consume each other in other ways. Why not this one!

Congratulations on Honorable Mention!!

Jaye Wells said...

Loved this! I'm a sucker for originality combined with a gritty and ironic voice. Brett Easton Ellis, anyone? Fantastic job.

John Donald Carlucci said...

Thank you to everyone and gratz to our amazing winners!

Our hosts have been wonderful and Jaye has paid me the best compliment I have ever received.

Be seeing you.
JDC