The Sweetest Bouquet
by John Donald Carlucci
I'm not a greedy bastard, I only kill once a year.
The Arabs prepared a medicine they called a Mellified Man. Old men would be fed nothing but honey. No water or food; just honey.
After a month, these men would excrete only honey. Death came quickly for these lucky few and their bodies were entombed in dated stone coffins filled with even more honey. After a hundred years, these were opened and the liquid consumed.
After I heard this I thought, why not use this wonderful confection to brew a very special stock of mead? A mead from the best local honey and clearest spring water.
Since mead is considered a wine, I sometimes add a bit of cranberry for a blush.
Oh yes, my mellified man is usually a homeless person I find...someone who will never be missed. On rare occasions, I've chosen a friend or acquittance for this special honor.
After the month of preparation, I force the weakened ingredient into a honey-filled cask. I seal it with the date, and allow the process of liquefaction to complete. One year from the date of sealing, the cask is tapped and the liquid is processed by myself to produce our unique mead.
The rest is discarded into our fine compost heaps here at my vineyard. Waste not want not.
My very special clientele pay handsomely for this extremely limited black label edition. This year, the demand has been so great that I'm considering doubling our output.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
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35 comments:
remind me to always check my mead sources!
Wow! Man Juice! It may become popular with ladies hehehe :D
Oh my Gawd, you just made my story so much worse. I have to go shiver now at the thought of "Man Juice".
JDC
That is hard core. Unnnph.
The matter of fact 1st person POV really adds to the creep factor. Good choice on that. Nicely done!
That is some seriously butch juice. I love it, lewch. You have my vote, to be sure.
Nicely done, sire. You have my vote.
Fabulous luv!
You've my vote as well.
zounds! that's a tale.
what a treat... well, for some of the participants.
ewwwwww... and ewwww... reminds me of the spittoon...yuck. Really where does your mind go... can't believe we grew up in the same house...now I can't sleep tonight... ewwww. But I guess you have my vote.
It's a flash & a recipe all rolled into one. You definitely score some points for originaility.
Consider it like home brewing your own beer.
JDC
OK, I like mead, and I've brewed my own beer...and I love honey, too! But now, all I can think of is sweet sweet putrefaction, and I'm a little queasy.
Thank you, sir. Well done!
Sinister, creepy, psychotic, and so "normal" and "business-like" in tone. I'm a fan. But keep that mead away from me, please!
Dark and sinister and extremely well done!
Nice writing! Way to crank up the creep factor.
I have to mention the homeless man being referred to as the weakened ingredient...love it.
Gothic done up the right way and not the pretenious Emo nonsense that it has become. Shelly and Stoker would've been proud.
Oh, this is really sick....but good!
I really hope this is fiction. I can no longer enjoy honey in the same way.
Nice touch the composting. I like environmentally conscious killers, at least that aspect of their character!
You've got my vote!
Darkly sweet in a twisted and gross kind of way.
You have an impressive and twisted mind... I am glad I read this... really cool mate...
Crossing mead off my shopping list...possibly forever. And now off to Google Mellified Man. Wonderfully original!
I'm having a visercal reaction to this story. I suppose that's a sign of good writing? But...ewwwwwwwww....
ewww...lol
definitely an original take
double man juice
double licious
Working in San Francisco, I encounter quite a few homeless people. Usually, you can smell them at least a block away. Not always, but usually. I am trying to imagine that odor involved in a recipe for anything to be consumed, and I think I have to leave now.
Oh man you wrote a creepy story. This is exactly the kind of thing people would pay a pretty penny for.
Na zdrowia!
I'll take the Boone's Farm Apple instead please. :)
Yowza! Wonderfully well paced and so original. A creepy top contender this one!
Oooooohh! I lovvvhhhed this one.
It registered awesome score on my creepometer. :D
I love creepy gory stuff.
This hops in my list for the story. (I just hope I haven't said this to more than 5 people already :P)
LOL @ man juice! ewwww!!!
This was so quirky, I couldn't tear my eyes away. Nicely written!!!
I knew if I waited long enough i would find an excellent reason for hating honey - aside from the taste that is.
This had horror, a psycho, callousness, murder - it's no wonder it's been so popular. Nice one.
Very diabolical. I could see it happening, for some strange reason. People consume each other in other ways. Why not this one!
Congratulations on Honorable Mention!!
Loved this! I'm a sucker for originality combined with a gritty and ironic voice. Brett Easton Ellis, anyone? Fantastic job.
Thank you to everyone and gratz to our amazing winners!
Our hosts have been wonderful and Jaye has paid me the best compliment I have ever received.
Be seeing you.
JDC
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