Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Entry #169

A Worm in Crow's Clothing
by Scott King


If Janet Bloodwyrm had nails she would've just broken them. Luckily, worms don't have nails. Of course worms also don't fly, which is why Janet was punching the control panel.

“Fish food, you're mine!” A deep voice snarled.

Hissing, the hatch above Janet opened. She slithered onto the roof, assessing the damage. Talon marks stretched the side of the vehicle. Using a fake flying bird might not have been the smartest plan, she thought.

“Can we get this over with?” She looked skyward, trying to find her attacker. “The rats are having a den-sale and I heard they just scavenged a Vera Bradly store.”

The crow dive bombed her and she was swallowed whole.

She didn't resit. Instead, she let the esophagus muscles of the crow deposit her in its crop, a bubble-like organ used for food storage. Centimeters from her landing place, she saw a bleeding one-eyed frog.

“You came,” the frog whispered.

“I told you,” Janet flung her tail toward the frog and clasped a pair of cuffs on his wrists. “I always get my mark.”

“And how do you expect to get out of here to collect the bounty?”

******

“What is that perfume?” The rat said while handing Janet her shopping bags. “I don't recognize it.”

“Crow Vomit,” Janet grinned. She knew she should've used the cash to pay her rent, but what girl can resit a shopping spree?

28 comments:

Laurel said...

This is GREAT! It reminds me of Artemis Fowl in tone and zaniness. Fun to read and just right on details.

Love it. Would buy it in book form.

Meghan said...

I love the unique PoV! And the ending is interesting. Great job!

Bernita said...

~giggling~
Chick lit with a vengeance and really well done!
"Crow vomit."...perfect!

Steph R. said...

I wish it was longer. I want to know who the frog is and why she was hunting him. I want to know how she buit the ship. I want more!

kashers said...

A wacky, contemporary fable... don't mess with a shopaholic.

laughingwolf said...

lol ...y're a riot, scott :)

Aniket said...

This is so very cool! Love it to the core.

Agree with Laurel (for the first and final time, grr) on the Artemis Fowl feel. Would do anything to get her mark, indeed. Goes to my box of favourites. ;)

Scott King said...

Thanks guys! I'm not a very "literary" person so I simply tried to have some fun. I'm glad people are enjoying it.

Lee Hughes said...

That one left me chuckling, great piece.

catvibe said...

Oh this was whimsically fun to read. Delightful. I'd love to see the vehicle they were in. What do wyrms drive anyway?

lena said...

That was indeed fun to read. Enjoyed it to the core!

Craig said...

A fun read.

Deb Smythe said...

Ha!

pjd said...

Ha ha! Love it.

Harley said...

I tried to think of some helpful critisism but I got nothing. My only complaint is I want more story, dialog & description... but there isn't anything u can cut so that you can add more without hitting the word count. So as is the story really does a nice job of working within the bounderies of the contest.

Sourabh Biswas said...

Excellent work!! Loved it for its sheer cheekiness!!

Kartik said...

Weirdly awesome!! Thank you for this piece :)

Janel said...

Loved the cast of characters. Very twisted, very weird, very GOOD!

JaneyV said...

Scott - this is priceless! I too espouse to the have-fun-with-it theory and what a lot of fun this is. Most excellent!

James R. Tomlinson said...

Is it just me, did you mean "resist" instead of "resit"?

Reminds me of my days working in the meatrooom of a grocery store. I used to scrape the rotten meat off the floor. The owners sold it to company that used it to produce make-up and other cosmetics.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Ha, funny. Though I'd love to know exactly how she got the crow to vomit them up. You've got me hooked. Great character.

Preeti said...

heh heh heh ...i loved this for its sheer uniqueness. the idea is marvelous. the narration is even better.

Aimee Laine said...

Too funny! :)

Aerin said...



my caveat

Something I Would Keep

The playfulness is obvious not only in the theme and plot, but also the word choices - punchng, hissing, slithered -

Something I Might Tweak

How sexist to suggest women only like to shop! (I'm KIDDING, Scott, really. I'm guilty as charged - get it, charged? As in, credit card!? Oh, nevermind). IF you wanted to tweak it, you might want to figure out a transition other than just a space/line, but that's a personal preference.

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAHAHAHAH! This is so fresh! So funny! Really very creative!

Tara said...

Funky was the first word to pop to mind. I like it!

Terri said...

Ah, the Stephanie Plum of the animal kingdom - I like it!

Dottie (My Blog 2.0) said...

Great POV, laughed at the end!

Congrats on the H/M!

Dottie :)