The True Story of How Casey Tilson Became a Vegan
by Wendy Russ
Earl and Arthur sat on the veranda of 351 Poplar Street in the same spots they’d sat for the last 63 years. They stared across the street at Casey Tilson working a yellow-handled hoe in her garden.
“I think that’s one of the nicest hoes I’ve seen,” said Earl. “She’s one them vegans, you know.”
Arthur spit into a paper cup and grunted, “Ayep.”
“Them vegans, they got ideas,” added Earl.
“Heard tell it’s due to a childhood trauma – it was that year Maisy Treece tried to shoot Elmer’s pecker off with a BB gun.”
“She was a feisty one,” Arthur admitted.
“That summer Casey was cracking eggs on the sidewalk to see if they’d cook,” Earl continued.
“Seems like a waste of good eggs to me.”
“Turned out one of them eggs was fertilized and when she cracked it out on the sidewalk it was all golden yolk and bloody red mucus and a black chick eye and it commenced to bubble on the hot pavement as if to be flappin like it was still alive.
“And Casey went to screaming down the street bellowing like a scared calf, ‘THERE’S A CHICK IN MY EGG!’”
“What’d she think was in there,” asked Arthur.
After careful consideration Earl said, “I don’t rightly know.”
They sat and rocked a long while and watched Casey Tilson work.
Finally, Arthur broke the silence. He spit in his cup and said, “I reckon you’re right about that hoe.”